Question 21
Can you please enlighten me about the subject of sex. I have heard many masters speak of refraining from the act of ejaculation as it dissipates our energies. Do you have any comments or advice on this subject?
Answer
It is true that ejaculation can dissipate your energy and so it is wise not to ejaculate too frequently. But this does not mean that you should abstain from sex. The ultimate mastery in the context of sexuality is not to refrain from sexual intercourse with your beloved but rather to abstain from ejaculation. You can be with your partner and she can have multiple orgasms whilst you have none.
If you are fully present and in a state of communion with her, it will be just as ecstatic and fulfilling for you as it is for her. You will experience the joy of giving unconditionally.
In many ways, it will be more fulfilling for you than ejaculating.
When men ejaculate, there is a subtle feeling that it is all over. There is a tendency to want to disconnect from your partner. When you do not ejaculate, a feeling of aliveness and connection continues. You are no longer a slave to your sexual urges. A sense of mastery arises in your life.
Refraining from ejaculation should be balanced with the body's need to ejaculate. Every now and then, let yourself go. Relax fully into it. How often you do this is up to you. I do not believe in hard rules. Pray within for guidance.
As far as I am concerned the most important aspect of sexual expression is that you are fully present with your partner and so you enter into communion with her. You are expressing yourself as love rather than having sex.
I have said that the most important aspect of sexual expression is to be fully present. Ironically, it is much easier to refrain from ejaculation when you are fully present.
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