Question 40
How can I remain present and loving with my partner, when she is caught in her past, and projecting it onto me.
Answer
If your partner expects you to be here for her, or you expect her to be here for you, then you are both acting out unresolved issues from childhood. If her parents were not here for her in her early childhood, then she will be seeking that from you, which is really a projection of her unfulfilled needs from childhood onto you. If your parents were not here for you, then you will be projecting that onto her. Most relationships are based on these unconscious projections and unfulfilled needs.
In a conscious relationship, the statement is "I am not here for you, but I am here with you."
Each partner in a conscious relationship must take responsibility for these unfulfilled needs. Own them, confess them, express them if necessary, but do not identify with them. Feel all the feelings associated with these needs.
If your partner is confessing these unresolved feelings or unfulfilled needs to you, encourage her to feel and express her feelings and just be present with her. She needs you to be utterly present with her, as she confesses that which is unhealed within her. In my experience, a woman has a strong need to be heard, and she needs her partner to be truly present with her. You have to give her space to express. If she is truly on a path of awakening, that will be enough to bring consciousness to her patterns, and ultimately it is the flowering of Presence within her that will heal her.
If you react, or get caught up in your own emotions, as she is sharing, then you are still not free. You are triggered, and you will have to take responsibility for that.
At the deepest level, the real gift we bring to each other is the gift of Presence.
In a conscious relationship, the underlying intention is to bring more Presence into the relationship and to bring consciousness to whatever pulls us out of Presence. A relationship is a very effective mirror that reflects what is still in need of healing and what is still unconscious with us. Both partners in a conscious relationship must be willing to look into the mirror.
The more that Presence is the foundation of your relationship, the more fulfilling, joyful and uncomplicated it will be. A conscious relationship is uncomplicated and without judgment, expectation or resentment.
A conscious relationship is a great blessing. It provides you with a companion with whom you can share a loving life. An unconscious relationship is also a great blessing. It provides you with an opportunity to wake up.
Share This Post | Print This Post
- |
